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Wooo, time for the soft-launch! To match this double entendre my first big update will be about sex.

These days the word “pervert” is mostly used to talk about sex, but it has more to do with taking a social norm and twisting it until it is something completely different. The following five authors managed to pervert social norms of their day. As an added bonus I’ll include a web community that the author would probably be a member of if they were alive today…

5) Lewis Carroll

Who was he?

The author of Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland and Through the Looking-Glass. He was also a logician, mathematician, Anglican clergyman, and photographer. His use of logic, structure, and wordplay would endear him to a group of fans that make even the most hardcore Star Wars fanboy seem easygoing and understanding (Greedo shot first).

How was he a pervert?

Carroll was usually surrounded by an entourage of prepubescent girls. He would write them letters that included puzzles and tricks but they second they got too old for him, usually the onset of puberty, he’d drop them like a bad habit. Yes, much like Michael Jackson’s undying love for young boys, Lewis Carroll loved young girls – but only English girls, American girls were too rude for his tastes and boys were absolutely disgusting nude. Yes, nude. You see, he loved taking pictures of young girls in basements, naked, spread out across a bed and would then go home and write about “the inclinations of my sinful heart”.

What web community would he be a member of today?

A severely repressed celibate pedophile could only be a member Slashdot’s Linux section.

4) The Marquis de Sade

Who was he?

The author of Justine, a philosophical pornography wrapped around Libertine philosophy that would lay out the main justification for sadism. The Libertines were a bunch of bored aristocrats that believed that the highest pursuit was that of pleasure. This mostly entailed writing dirty poetry, going to orgies, and having gay sex while cursing the crown. By the time de Sade was born being a Libertine was common – even his father was a frequenter of orgies – but he found ways to make even the most jaded Libertine’s monocle pop out in shock.

How was he a pervert?

Christ, how wasn’t he a pervert is a better question. After getting bored with plain vanilla orgies he decided to lock a prostitute in a rented mansion and asked her to whip him. When she refused he did what most of us would: masturbated into a chalice, asked her to take an enema so she could empty her bowels onto a figurine of Jesus Christ, called the Roman Catholic Lord a “motherfucker”, used crucifixes to masturbate himself, and inserted a few communion hosts into her before entering her himself while screaming: “If thou art God, avenge thyself!” Eventually Napoleon had enough and it forced de Sade into an asylum where he spent the rest of his days writing stuff that made even the most explicit guro seem chaste.

What web community would he be a member of today?

A sadist that continually found new ways to make you say “Jesus, what the fuck?” could only be a member of 4chan.

3) Jean-Jacques Rousseau

Who was he?

A philosopher that promoted the idea that all humans were good by nature but the progress of science and art corrupted virtue and morality. He wrote The Social Contract, in which he justified the overthrow of any government that was not controlled by the people. This idea would inspire revolutions and reforms through most of Europe and even in the United States.

How was he a pervert?

There was only one thing Rousseau loved more than freedom for everyone and that was getting his bare ass spanked by women. While living as a vagabond for a few years he would frequently moon passing women in hopes of getting spanked. In Confessions, the first real autobiography, he discussed this obsession: “To fall at the feet of an imperious mistress, obey her mandates, or implore pardon, were for me the most exquisite enjoyments, and the more my blood was inflamed by the efforts of a lively imagination the more I acquired the appearance of a whining lover.”

What web community would he be a member of today?

An idealist that loves getting continually spanked and asking for more could only be a member of the Ron Paul Forums.

2) Horatio Alger, Jr

Who was he?

An author of over 130 different “city stories” that dominated the dime novel market of the 19th century with such a fury that he would often outsell Mark Twain. All of his stories featured young street urchins as characters that were all alone in the big city. They would slave away, saving money and each other, until one day a rich businessman would take notice and whisk the young boy off to a better life.

How was a pervert?

When he was a minister in Brewster, Massachusetts he started having sex with young boys in his congregation. After two came forward he confessed to a “practice”, resigned, and moved to New York. Many critics suggest that the street urchins he wrote about were actually homeless child laborers that spent their nights in slums and would often get raped by predatory rich men.

What web community would he be a member of today?

A pedophile that promises young boys a better life but ends up raping them could only be a member of MySpace.

1) F. Scott Fitzgerald

Who was he?

The author of The Great Gatsby and is considered, by many, to be one of the best American writers of the 20th century. His wife, Zelda Sayre, and he would epitomize the Jazz Age – a time when technology and modernist trends dominated society, art, and American culture.

How was he a pervert?

Fitzgerald is most famous for his foot fetish, but even that completely pales in comparison to the sheer amount of dickery he heaped upon his wife and got off on. He credited his wife’s vagina with his only truly successful book and by the time he was writing The Great Gatsby he discovered that sleeping with other women and excessive drinking made him just as creative. Eventually she started an affair with a French lieutenant, which he was fine with because she left him alone until she said she was going to leave him, at which point he locked her in their house and forced her to break off the affair. He would later state that he had orchestrated the affair just so he could base a character off his wife’s suffering. Eventually she went batshit insane, would practice ballet all day and night, wrote a tell-all book, and checked into an asylum. Fitzgerald responded by drinking more, moving to Hollywood to pursue a career at MGM, having an affair with a critic, and calling Zelda’s ballet and book a waste of time, money, and paper.

What web community would he be a member of today?

A drunk writer that got off on misogyny and women’s feet could only be a member of Suicide Girls.

Sources: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8

\\ tags: Pervert