2. Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the the universe.

3. The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.

4. The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax.

5. I never think of the future. It comes soon enough.

6. The only thing that interferes with my learning is my education.

7. I am a deeply religious nonbeliever – This is a somewhat new kind of religion.

8. If A is a success in life, then A equals x plus y plus z. Work is x; y is play; and z is keeping your mouth shut.

9. I don’t know, I don’t care, and it doesn’t make any difference!

10. You have to learn the rules of the game. And then you have to play better than anyone else.

By Christine
http://amolife.com/

br0kenrabbit: hi
Greg_ValveOLS: good evening
br0kenrabbit: What’s ip?
br0kenrabbit: up?
Greg_ValveOLS: my name is greg a member of the valve online Support team
br0kenrabbit: On MSN?
Greg_ValveOLS: yes
br0kenrabbit: Why?

Greg_ValveOLS: we logged multiple ips from your account and ned to verifi your information
br0kenrabbit: My information?
Greg_ValveOLS: we believe someone may have stolen your account mmmm you havent shared youre account infomation with anyone have you?
br0kenrabbit: No. I don’t even have it written down.
Greg_ValveOLS: hmmm maybe a keylogger on you r PC then maybe you need a format?
br0kenrabbit: Well…
Greg_ValveOLS: if you can verify your account information to me i can insure that only your ip have access to it Its a new security feature were trying because this happens so muchlogin names and passwords aint safe anymroe You know. L:)
br0kenrabbit: Well
Greg_ValveOLS: dont worry this connect it secure
br0kenrabbit: Can I be honest with you, Greg?
Greg_ValveOLS: k
br0kenrabbit: Look, I don’t know how you go this MSN account name, don’t really care, either.
br0kenrabbit: Unlike you, I DO work for Valve. Trace my ip and you’ll see.
Greg_ValveOLS: huh?
Greg_ValveOLS: bs
br0kenrabbit: Trace it.
Greg_ValveOLS: how
br0kenrabbit says:Start/run/cmd type Tracert and then my IP address and hit enter.
Greg_ValveOLS: oh k
br0kenrabbit: As an employee, I know that Valve employees will NEVER contact users over MSN. I also know a valve employee will NEVER ask a user for his/her username and password.
br0kenrabbit: I’m putting a temporary hold on your Steam account.
Greg_ValveOLS: why?
br0kenrabbit: Have you read the ToS?
Greg_ValveOLS: Tod?
Greg_ValveOLS: tos
br0kenrabbit says:terms of service
Greg_ValveOLS: were?
br0kenrabbit: Greg, this is a serious infraction against the Tos. You are at risk of losing your account.
Greg_ValveOLS: why
br0kenrabbit: I just told you why
Greg_ValveOLS:
br0kenrabbit: I need some information from you if you want me to unlock you account. I’m going to write you up but I will only suspend you account for three days, since this is your first infraction, okay?
Greg_ValveOLS: k
br0kenrabbit says:First, what is the name the account is registered to. Not the user name, the persons real name who created the account. This is for verification purposes.
Greg_ValveOLS: xxxxx xxxxxxx
br0kenrabbit: Is this you?
Greg_ValveOLS: ya
br0kenrabbit: Are you the only user of this account?
Greg_ValveOLS: ya
br0kenrabbit: Okay, and what is the username
Greg_ValveOLS: xxxxxxxx
br0kenrabbit: Okay.
br0kenrabbit: I see you have purchased a few of our games, thank you.
Greg_ValveOLS: some. dude
Greg_ValveOLS: m
br0kenrabbit says:Do you always log on from the same IP?
Greg_ValveOLS: ya
br0kenrabbit says:And who is your internet providers, your ISP?
Greg_ValveOLS: xxxxxxx
br0kenrabbit says:Thank you. One moment, please, let me verify this information.
Greg_ValveOLS: am i gonna be bale to play 2nite?
br0kenrabbit: What is your city of residence?
br0kenrabbit: That depends on if you cooperate. You’re doing fine so far.
Greg_ValveOLS: xxxxxx
br0kenrabbit: Illinios?
Greg_ValveOLS: yes
br0kenrabbit: Okay. And what is the password associated with this account?
Greg_ValveOLS: xxxxxxx
br0kenrabbit: Okay. Do not try to log into steam. If you are connected now you need to log off.
Greg_ValveOLS: why
br0kenrabbit: So I can update your account.
Greg_ValveOLS: can I play 2 nite
Greg_ValveOLS: clan fight
Greg_ValveOLS: wont win without me heh
br0kenrabbit: Heh. You’ll have to wait a few minutes. Are you logged off?
Greg_ValveOLS: ya
br0kenrabbit: Okay. Give me just a moment.
br0kenrabbit: Try to log in now.
Greg_ValveOLS: k
Greg_ValveOLS: It says login failed wtf wtf!!@?
br0kenrabbit : Greg
Greg_ValveOLS: did u ban me???????????>WHY
br0kenrabbit: Greg
Greg_ValveOLS: what
br0kenrabbit: Valve will never ask for your username and password.
Greg_ValveOLS: what????
br0kenrabbit: I don’t work for Valve dude, but you just got pwnt.
Greg_ValveOLS: omg dude wtf why?
br0kenrabbit: Why were you trying to steal my account?
Greg_ValveOLS: i wanst
br0kenrabbit: Then why were you asking for my information?
Greg_ValveOLS: i was just making a joke but not cerious honest dude just give
my acount back pllllleeease i’m only 13 and save d up for like a year to buy it
br0kenrabbit: Greg
Greg_ValveOLS: dude pleas
Greg_ValveOLS: what
br0kenrabbit: Go mow some yards, @!$%#.

By Maaz

#1. Roses are #FF0000, Violets are #0000FF. All my base Are belong to you  — someone on SlashDot

#2. There is no place like 127.0.0.1

#3. Girls are like Internet Domain names, the ones I like are already taken

#4. Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning

#5. Computers are incredibly fast, accurate, and stupid; humans are incredibly slow, inaccurate and brilliant; together they are powerful beyond imagination. — Albert Einstein

#6. There are 10 types of people in the world: Those who understand binary and those who don’t.

#7. If at first you don’t succeed, call it version 1.0

#8. 1f u c4n r34d th1s u r34lly n33d t0 g37 l41d

#9. I’m not anti-social; I’m just not user friendly

#10. I would love to change the world, but they won’t give me the source code

#11. My Software never has bugs. It just develops random features.

#12. The speed of sound is defined by the distance from door to computer divided by the time interval needed to close the media player and pull up your pants when your mom shouts “OH MY GOD WHAT ARE YOU DOING!!!

#13. The glass is neither half-full nor half-empty: it’s twice as big as it needs to be.

#14. Passwords are like underwear. You shouldn’t leave them out where people can see them. You should change them regularly. And you shouldn’t loan them out to strangers

#15. Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue…

#16. A Life? Cool! Where can I download one of those?

#17. I spent a minute looking at my own code by accident. I was thinking “What the hell is this guy doing?”

#18. Concept: On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape button.

#19. Alert! User Error. Please replace user and press any key to continue

#20. If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization. — Weinberg’s Second Law

Source: http://www.askstudent.com/

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Two bytes meet.  The first byte asks, “Are you ill?”
The second byte replies, “No, just feeling a bit off.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Eight bytes walk into a bar.  The bartender asks, “Can I get you anything?”

“Yeah,” reply the bytes.  “Make us a double.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Q. How did the programmer die in the shower?
A. He read the shampoo bottle instructions: Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

How many programers dose it take to change a light bulb?
None – It’s a hardare problem

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Why do programmers always mix up Halloween and Christmas?
Because Oct 31 equals Dec 25.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There are only 10 kinds of people in this world: those who know binary and those who don’t.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A programmer walks to the butcher shop and buys a kilo of meat.  An hour later he comes back upset that the butcher shortchanged him by 24 grams.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Knock, knock.”
“Who’s there?”
very long pause….
“Java.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Programming is 10% science, 20% ingenuity, and 70% getting the ingenuity to work with the science.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Programming is like sex:
One mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A man is smoking a cigarette and blowing smoke rings into the air.  His girlfriend becomes irritated with the smoke and says, “Can’t you see the warning on the cigarette pack?  Smoking is hazardous to your health!”

To which the man replies, “I am a programmer.  We don’t worry about warnings; we only worry about errors.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There are three kinds of lies: Lies, damned lies, and benchmarks.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A programmer is walking along a beach and finds a lamp.  He rubs the lamp, and a genie appears.  “I am the most powerful genie in the world.  I can grant you any wish, but only one wish.”

The programmer pulls out a map, points to it and says, “I’d want peace in the Middle East.”

The genie responds, “Gee, I don’t know.  Those people have been fighting for millenia.  I can do just about anything, but this is likely beyond my limits.”

The programmer then says, “Well, I am a programmer, and my programs have lots of users.  Please make all my users satisfied with my software and let them ask for sensible changes.”

At which point the genie responds, “Um, let me see that map again.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

All programmers are playwrights, and all computers are lousy actors.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Have you heard about the new Cray super computer?  It’s so fast, it executes an infinite loop in 6 seconds.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The generation of random numbers is too important to be left to chance.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I just saw my life flash before my eyes and all I could see was a close tag…”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The computer is mightier than the pen, the sword, and usually, the programmer.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Debugging: Removing the needles from the haystack.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Two strings walk into a bar and sit down. The bartender says, “So what’ll it be?”

The first string says, “I think I’ll have a beer quag fulk boorg jdk^CjfdLk jk3s d#f67howe%^U r89nvy~~owmc63^Dz x.xvcu”

“Please excuse my friend,” the second string says, “He isn’t null-terminated.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

From the Random Shack Data Processing Dictionary:

Endless Loop: n., see Loop, Endless.
Loop, Endless: n., see Endless Loop.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The three most dangerous things in the world are a programmer with a soldering iron, a hardware engineer with a software patch, and a user with an idea.  – The Wizardry Compiled by Rick Cook

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

One hundred little bugs in the code
One hundred little bugs.
Fix a bug, link the fix in,
One hundred little bugs in the code.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A computer science student is studying under a tree and another pulls up on a flashy new bike.  The first student asks, “Where’d you get that?”

The student on the bike replies, “While I was studying outside, a beautiful girl pulled up on her bike.  She took off all her clothes and said, ‘You can have anything you want’.”

The first student responds, “Good choice!  Her clothes probably wouldn’t have fit you.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

CIA – Computer Industry Acronyms

CD-ROM: Consumer Device, Rendered Obsolete in Months
PCMCIA: People Can’t Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms
ISDN: It Still Does Nothing
SCSI: System Can’t See It
MIPS: Meaningless Indication of Processor Speed
DOS: Defunct Operating System
WINDOWS: Will Install Needless Data On Whole System
OS/2: Obsolete Soon, Too
PnP: Plug and Pray
APPLE: Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity
IBM: I Blame Microsoft
MICROSOFT: Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only Fools Teenagers
COBOL: Completely Obsolete Business Oriented Language
LISP: Lots of Insipid and Stupid Parentheses
MACINTOSH: Most Applications Crash; If Not, The Operating System Hangs
AAAAA: American Association Against Acronym Abuse.
WYSIWYMGIYRRLAAGW: What You See Is What You Might Get If You’re Really Really Lucky And All Goes Well.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Funny Error Messages

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

God as a Programmer

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Computer Stupidities

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Comedy Code is syntactically correct programming code written just for fun.  The code doesn’t actually have to do anything if it’s executed, but it should look like regular code.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Why computers are like men:

1. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
2. They have a lot of data, but are still clueless.
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they are the problem.
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have had a better model.

Why computers are like women:

1. No one but the Creator understands their internal logic.
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
3. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Laws of Computer Programming

1. Any given program, when running, is obsolete.
2. Any given program costs more and takes longer.
3. If a program is useful, it will have to be changed.
4. If a program is useless, it will have to be documented.
5. Any program will expand to fill available memory.
6. The value of a program is proportional to the weight of its output.
7. Program complexity grows until it exceeds the capabilities of the programmer who must maintain it.
8. Any non-trivial program contains at least one bug.
9. Undetectable errors are infinite in variety, in contrast to detectable errors, which by definition are limited.
10. Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

• Lubarsky’s Law of Cybernetic Entomology: There’s always one more bug.
• Shaw’s Principle: Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will want to use it.
• Woltman’s Law: Never program and drink beer at the same time.
• Gallois’ Revelation: If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled, and no one dares to criticize it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A programmer finds himself in front of a committee that decides whether he should go to Heaven or Hell.  The committee tells the programmer he has a say in the matter and asks him if he wants to see either Heaven or Hell before stating his preference.

“Sure,” the programmer replies.  “I have a pretty good idea what Heaven is like, so let’s see Hell.”  So an angel takes the programmer to a sunny beach, full of beautiful women in skimpy bikinis playing volleyball, listening to music and having a great time.  “Wow!” he exclaims, “Hell looks great!  I’ll take Hell!”

Instantly the programmer finds himself in red-hot lava with demons tearing at his flesh.  “Where’s the beach?  The music?  The women?” he screams frantically to the angel.

“That was the demo,” the angel replies as she vanishes.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jesus and Satan have an argument as to who is the better programmer.  This goes on for a few hours until they come to an agreement to hold a contest with God as the judge.  They set themselves before their computers and begin.  They type furiously, lines of code streaming up the screen, for several hours straight.

Seconds before the end of the competition, a bolt of lightning strikes, taking out the electricity.  Moments later, the power is restored, and God announces that the contest is over.  He asks Satan to show his work.  Visibly upset, Satan cries and says, “I have nothing.  I lost it all when the power went out.”

“Very well,” says God, “let us see if Jesus has fared any better.”

Jesus presses a key, and the screen comes to life in vivid display, the voices of an angelic choir pour forth from the speakers.

Satan is astonished.  He stutters, “B-b-but how?!  I lost everything, yet Jesus’ program is intact!  How did he do it?”

God chuckles, “Everybody knows… Jesus saves.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Redneck Computer Terms

LOG ON: Makin’ a woodstove hot.
LOG OFF: Don’t add no more wood.
MONITOR: Keepin’ an eye on the wood stove.
DOWNLOAD: Gittin’ the farwood off the truck.
MEGA HERTZ: When you’re not keerfull gittin’ the farwood.
FLOPPY DISC: Whutcha git from trying to tote too much farwood.
RAM: That thar thing whut splits the farwood.
HARD DRIVE: Gittin’ home in the winter time.
WINDOWS: Whut to shut when it’s cold outside.
SCREEN: Whut to shut when it’s black fly season.
BYTE: Whut them dang flys do.
CHIP: Munchies fer the TV.
MICRO CHIP: Whut’s in the bottom of the munchie bag.
MODEM: Whutcha do to the hay fields.
DOT MATRIX: Old Dan Matrix’s wife.
LAP TOP: Whar the kitty sleeps.
KEYBOARD: Whar you hang the dang truck keys.
SOFTWARE: Them dang plastic forks and knifes.
MOUSE: Whut eats the grain in the barn.
MOUSE PAD: That’s hippie talk fer the mouse hole.
MAINFRAME: Holds up the barn roof.
PORT: Fancy Flatlander wine.
ENTER: Northerner talk fer, “C’mon in, y’all.”
CLICK: Whut you hear when you cock your gun.
DOUBLE CLICK: When the dang gun don’t far when you pull the trigger.
REBOOT: Whut you have to do at bedtime when you forgot the kitty’s still outside.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Software Development Cycles

1. Programmer produces code he believes is bug-free.
2. Product is tested. 20 bugs are found.
3. Programmer fixes 10 of the bugs and explains to the testing department that the other 10 aren’t really bugs.
4. Testing department finds that five of the fixes didn’t work and discovers 15 new bugs.
5. Repeat three times steps 3 and 4.
6. Due to marketing pressure and an extremely premature product announcement based on overly-optimistic programming schedule, the product is released.
7. Users find 137 new bugs.
8. Original programmer, having cashed his royalty check, is nowhere to be found.
9. Newly-assembled programming team fixes almost all of the 137 bugs, but introduce 456 new ones.
10. Original programmer sends underpaid testing department a postcard from Fiji. Entire testing department quits.
11. Company is bought in a hostile takeover by competitor using profits from their latest release, which had 783 bugs.
12. New CEO is brought in by board of directors. He hires a programmer to redo program from scratch.
13. Programmer produces code he believes is bug-free…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Top 10 phrases spoken by a Klingon Programmer

1. A TRUE Klingon Warrior does not comment his code!
2. By filing this bug report you have challenged the honor of my family.  Prepare to die!
3. You question the worthiness of my code?  I should kill you where you stand!
4. Our competitors are without honor!
5. Specifications are for the weak and timid!
6. This machine is GAGH!  I need dual Pentium processors if I am to do battle with this code!
7. Perhaps it IS a good day to die!  I say we ship it!
8. Our users will know fear and cower before our software!  Ship it!  Ship it and let them flee like the dogs they are!
9. My program has just dumped Stova Core!
10. Behold, the keyboard of Kalis!  The greatest Klingon code warrior that ever lived!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The programmer compiled an array of reasons as to why he can’t find a girlfriend with a good <HEAD> on her <BODY>, reason 0 being that he has limited cache.  So he searches his memory to recall connecting to the TCP/IP tunnel of his last girlfriend — sometimes even without a secure socket.  His last girlfriend always complained about his lack of comments. He fumed, “I hate commenting!” Realizing it was a program requirement, he told her she had nice bits.  This resulted in a Syntax Error.  Now she demanded a massage, but this was rejected as “Feature Creep.”  He smacked her back-end and shouted, “Who’s your parent node?!” He scanned for open ports.  He attempted to install a backdoor worm but her response was 403.  While his data uploaded into her input device, she considered terminating the process.  But instead she initiated a Do While loop where she recalled a previous boyfriend with a larger pointer.  To expedite the routine routine, she screamed, “Hack into my system! Hack deep into my system! You’re 1337, baby!” This caused his stack to overflow, and he shot his GUI on her interface.  (Source)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

What’s the difference between drug dealers and computer programmers?

Funny Stuff Funny Stuff

Source: http://www.devtopics.com/

Richard clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem.

As he was walking away, I called after him, “So, what was wrong?”

He replied, “It was an ID ten T error.”

I didn’t want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired, “An, ID ten T error?  What’s that?  In case I need to fix it again.”

Richard grinned. “Haven’t you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?”

“No,” I replied.

“Write it down,” he said, “and I think you’ll figure it out.”

So I wrote it down: I D 1 0 T

I used to like the little bugger.

Source: http://www.devtopics.com/

Why Is She Famous?

Comedic actress Michaela Watkins recently became one of two new members of the cast of Saturday Night Live (along with Abby Elliott).

Sexiness

74Michaela Watkins’ sex appeal sneaks up on you, perhaps because, as guys, we don’t often see female comediennes in ”that way,” at least not initially. However, take a look at her and you’ll see a woman of almost statuesque beauty, whose glowing, gorgeous skin is complemented by brown eyes and chocolate brown hair.

Success

40Make no mistake about it: Michaela Watkins has been steadily paying her dues, performing on a variety of stages and TV shows as an actress and a stand-up comedienne for almost a dozen years. She now joins a Saturday Night Live franchise that has enjoyed good ratings for much of the fall — although former members Tina Fey and Amy Poehler deserve lots of credit for those ratings.

While it remains to be seen if the show can keep its momentum, one thing is for sure: this is Michaela Watkins’ big break, and she’s worked too hard for too long to blow it.

Quotes

“It’s a dream come true.”
- Michaela Watkins, on joining SNL.

Elite Partners

• IMDB.com: Michaela Watkins
• Wikipedia.org: Michaela Watkins

Biography

The youngest of three girls born to teachers, Michaela Watkins grew up in central New York State, and attended college at Boston University’s School for the Arts. In 1996, after having earned her BFA, she moved to Portland Oregon and began performing in regional theater.

After four years in Portland, Michaela Watkins made the difficult decision to relocate to Los Angeles in pursuit of bigger and better opportunities. There she began building her Hollywood resume by landing single episode appearances in shows such as Charmed, Without a Trace and Grey’s Anatomy, while doing stand-up at various clubs.

She soon became a main company member of the famed Los Angeles comedy troupe the Groundlings before landing the recurring character of Lucy in season four of The New Adventures of Old Christine.

michaela watkins joins the cast of saturday night live

The departures of Tina Fey and, more recently, Amy Poehler, from SNL left producers looking for replacements. Following extensive auditions, in mid-November 2008 they chose Michaela Watkins and Abby Elliot; their addition doubles the number of regular female cast members, which includes with Kristen Wiig and Casey Wilson.

Look for her in 2009 in the flick The Prankster.

Source: http://www.askmen.com/

Why Is She Famous?

As it stands right now, Abby Elliott is best known for being the daughter of Saturday Night Live-alum and sometime movie star Chris Elliott. However, if she continues to make us laugh like she has as a part-time player on the current season of SNL, she’ll easily eclipse her dad as the funniest, and most successful, member of the Elliott clan.

Sexiness

Anyone that knows who Chris Elliott is shouldn’t be surprised that his daughter is hilarious, but they might be surprised to see how hot she is. Abby Elliott not only gets huge points for her gorgeous blue eyes and flaming red hair, but she also boasts the ultimate aphrodisiac — her million-dollar sense of humor.

Success

Even if it has lost a lot of its luster, a gig on Saturday Night Live is still one of the most coveted jobs in comedy. Sure, Abby Elliott’s famous father likely helped her land the job, but Lorne Michaels is not one to allow unfunny people to be on his show. So, at the ripe old age of 21, Abby Elliott has already achieved considerable success.

Elite Partners

• IMDB.com: Abby Elliott
• Wikipedia.org: Abby Elliott

Biography

Growing up with a famous parent can be both a good thing and bad thing for kids trying to break into entertainment. On one hand, you’ve got connections that regular folk just don’t have. Then, on the other hand, you’ve got to work that much harder to make a name for yourself beyond “that guy’s daughter.”

This was the quandary faced by Abby Elliott. She was born in New York City to mom Paula and dad Chris just in time to see her old man’s career take off. First came his quasi-successful sitcom Get a Life, which was followed by his cult classic feature film Cabin Boy — not exactly Cheers or The Godfather, but they provided a comfortable enough upbringing for Abby.

abby elliott joins the family business

If your father was a cop, and his father a cop, chances are you’ll end up walking the beat. So, Abby followed in the footsteps of her grandfather (Bob Elliott was a famous comic way back in the day) and her dad (the aforementioned Chris Elliott), and ended up in comedy. Her first gig was with the Upright Citizen’s Brigade, a comedy troupe founded in New York City by SNL veteran Amy Poehler. Comedy was clearly in her blood, and she excelled.

Anxious to capitalize on her famous lineage and rising stock, Abby Elliott shuffled off to L.A. There, she did voice work on Mike Judge’s long-running King of the Hill and joined the L.A. chapter of the Upright Citizen’s Brigade. People began to take notice, including David Letterman, Jimmy Kimmel and Conan O’Brien, whom all invited Abby onto their shows. She still wasn’t old enough to drink, but Abby Elliott’s career was taking off.

abby elliott on saturday night live

Chances are Saturday Night Live producers saw the YouTube clips of Abby impersonating Kirsten Dunst and Angelina Jolie. Those performances (and, perhaps her relationship to Chris Elliott) prompted Lorne Michaels to hire Abby as a mid-season replacement for new-mother Amy Poehler.

She’s got some big shoes to fill, but if her few early skits are any indication, Abby Elliott’s future looks bright. And that’s before you consider her upcoming gig voicing characters for Mike Judge’s new prime-time cartoon The Goode Family. I guess you could say life is ”goode” for Abby Elliott.

Source: http://www.askmen.com/

Why Is She Famous?

Rebecca Hall is an award-winning British stage actress who recently graduated to the silver screen with a pair of winning performances in The Prestige and Vicky Cristina Barcelona.

Sexiness

Rebecca Hall may not have Scarlett Johansson’s delectable curves or Penelope Cruz’s raw sensuality, but her slightly bookish quality and statuesque frame is every bit as sexy as the mouthwatering attributes of her fellow Vicky Cristina Barcelona costars. Luckily, we should get to see even more of this English rose in the year ahead as she shows off her figure in four different big-screen films. For the record, Rebecca Hall’s dream date is a young Marlon Brando — finally, a gal with taste!

Success

One of Britain’s most talented stage actresses, Rebecca Hall has starred in more than a dozen plays, including lavish productions of As You Like It, Don Juan, Galileo’s Daughter, and Mrs Warren’s Profession, for which she won the prestigious Ian Charleson Award in 2003. Her cinematic output, although still in its nascent stages, has also been remarkably promising thanks to a series of head-turning performances in The Prestige, Frost/Nixon and Vicky Cristina Barcelona, where she more than held her own opposite Oscar-nominated actors Javier Bardem, Penelope Cruz and Patricia Clarkson.

Quotes

“Coming from parents who are in the public eye, I learned early on not to take it all too seriously. I am not going to get completely self-obsessed and wrapped up in it all.”
- Rebecca Hall

Elite Partners

• IMDB.com: Rebecca Hall
• Wikipedia.org: Rebecca Hall

Biography

Rebecca Hall was born May 19, 1982, in England. The daughter of acclaimed opera singer Maria Ewing and legendary theater director Sir Peter Hall, she followed in her parent’s footsteps at the age of 10 when she made her professional acting debut in her father’s televised adaptation of The Camomile Lawn.

rebecca hall makes her west end debut

Although the experience appealed her, Rebecca Hall didn’t appear in another notable production until her 18th birthday, when she starred in a Cambridge stage presentation of Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf. Her father was particularly impressed with her performance in the play, and he promptly offered her the role of Vivie in his upcoming stage production of Mrs Warren’s Profession. “I thought he was off his nut,” she recalls. “How could I walk straight into a lead role in the West End, with everybody saying, ‘Here comes the director’s daughter’?” Fortunately, her dazzling performance silenced her critics, and Rebecca Hall capped off her inaugural West End run by winning the prestigious Ian Charleson Award, an honor given annually for the best performance by a young actor in a classical role.

Rebecca Hall continued her professional relationship with her father the following year by starring in his productions of The Fight for Barbara and As You Like It, for which she received her second Ian Charleson Award nomination. The pair teamed up again in 2004 at the Theatre Royal in Bath, where they collaborated on the well-received plays Man and Superman and Galileo’s Daughter.

rebecca hall stars in starter for ten

Rebecca Hall decided to switch gears the following year when she was handed the script for Starter for Ten, a big-screen comedy about a working-class college student from Essex. “I loved it [but] didn’t think in a million years they’d cast me,” she admits. “I think it was kind of very sort of different in my head, at the time actually as to what they were looking for. And so I went on a lot of auditions. I think about four, maybe five. Or maybe eight. And then waited a long time, and then got told I got the part. I was very excited.” Rebecca Hall’s excitement only grew as she discovered more about the medium of film. “In theater, you have a context for the story that you establish and you create an entire world on stage from beginning to end, whereas in film, you’re really at those places — at that school, on that campus with extras with flock-of-seagull haircuts and shoulder pads and too much blue eye shadow,” she explains. “It’s an imaginative adjustment that you make, and I loved it.”

rebecca hall stars in the prestige

Rebecca Hall landed another major role later that year when she was cast as Christian Bale’s wife in The Prestige, a stunning Oscar-nominated film about a pair of rival magicians. The movie went on to generate more than $107 million worldwide, and Rebecca Hall was recognized for her dazzling performance with a pair of Best Newcomer nominations from the Empire Awards and the London Critics Circle Film Awards.

rebecca hall appears in vicky cristina barcelona and frost/nixon

Rebecca Hall’s string of strong performances eventually caught the attention of Woody Allen, and he called her in to audition for one of the lead roles in his romantic comedy Vicky Cristina Barcelona. “I came in and met Woody and he said, ‘Can you do an American accent?’ and I said, ‘Yes’, and he said, ‘OK, bye’. That was pretty much it,” she recalls. “Two weeks later I got a call saying, ‘Woody Allen wants you to be in his next film.’ That was obviously quite an exciting time.” The film premiered to critical acclaim at the Cannes Film Festival, and has since grossed more than $40 million worldwide. Rebecca Hall also enjoyed a substantial role several months later as David Frost’s glamorous and fun-loving girlfriend in the political drama Frost/Nixon.

Look for Rebecca Hall next in Nineteen Eighty-Three, an adrenalin-fueled thriller about the infamous “Yorkshire Ripper,” and in Dorian Gray, a dark drama about a corrupt man who manages to hold onto his youthful beauty.

Source: http://www.askmen.com/

Why Is She Famous?

Anya Monzikova is a gorgeous Russian-born model and actress best known as a model on NBC’s Deal or No Deal, as well as cohost for the HDNet travel program Get Out!

Sexiness

If you haven’t had the good fortune to see this woman in print or on screen, don’t deny yourself any longer — Anya Monzikova’s sparkling beauty is a staggering sight to behold. Apparently the other models on Deal or No Deal call her the “Crazy Russian,” and if they mean crazy as in crazy gorgeous, they are spot-on.

This is to say nothing of Anya Monzikova’s spectacularly tall and curvaceous body, which, if we’re to be honest with ourselves, probably approaches perfection.

Success

Anya Monzikova’s appearance in magazines including Maxim, FHM, Cosmopolitan, People, and Vogue, and her high-profile role as a model on NBC and as a cohost on HDNet, prove that she has the chops to do well in Hollywood. She appeared uncredited in Ben Stiller’s Tropic Thunder, and will appear onscreen in the Bruce Willis flick Surrogates.

Quotes

“I just stayed home watching TV and learning English by watching Sesame Street.”
- Anya Monzikova, on how she learned English.

Elite Partners

• IMDB.com: Anya Monzikova
• Wikipedia.org: Anya Monzikova

Biography

Anya Monzikova was born into Communist Moscow of the USSR, but she and her mother relocated to Florida when she was almost 8 years old. There she enrolled in an ESL program, but struggled to learn English; frustration eventually led her to opt out of the class, but she returned to it six months later.

She graduated from Plantation High School in 2002, where she was involved in theater and cheerleading, and shortly thereafter left for Hollywood, packing her car with both her belongings and her dreams of becoming a model and actress.

anya monzikova pursues her dreams in los angeles

On relocating to Los Angeles, Anya Monzikova’s striking good looks and amazing body landed her a job on a Trading Spaces-inspired pilot for kids, but after six months’ hard work, the show fell through. She attended college courses and did some theater work, all the while managing to pay the bills by landing lingerie modeling work with Trashy Lingerie, Dreamgirl and Faris, among others.

In 2006, she became a model on the NBC game show Deal or No Deal, and the following year, she was featured in a photo shoot for Stuff. Most recently she appeared in the November issue of Maxim in the UK.

anya monzikova on csi: miami

Since arriving in Hollywood, Anya Monzikova has appeared in single episode guest spots on such shows such as Cane, Medium, CSI, CSI: Miami, and Knight Rider, to name a few.

She has a recurring spot as cohost on the HDNet television original show Get Out! as well, which, along with Lindsay Clubine (also a model on Deal or No Deal), has allowed her to travel to the likes of Belize and Mexico to see what those countries have to offer.

In addition to more episodes of Deal or No Deal and Get Out!, Anya Monzikova can be seen in 2009 in the thriller Playing with Fire (released in late December 2008) as well as the Bruce Willis/Ving Rhames thriller Surrogates, scheduled for release in the fall of 2009.

Source: http://www.askmen.com/

Why Is She Famous?

Halle Berry has starred in such movies as Boomerang (1992), Bulworth (1998), the three installments of X-Men, Swordfish (2001), Monster’s Ball (2001), the Bond vehicle Die Another Day (2002), Gothika (2003), Catwoman (2004), Perfect Stranger (2007), and Things We Lost In The Fire (2007). She has the ability to take on incredibly diverse roles that don’t always focus on her beauty, and that is what makes her even hotter than your usual actress.

If her movie list appearances aren’t testimony enough to Halle Berry’s acting chops, then her Oscar award for Best Actress in a Leading Role in Monster’s Ball surely is.

Sexiness

Halle Berry was put on this Earth to make men’s jaws drop. She has done a great job so far: Her sex appeal is undeniable. She has never disappointed us at awards shows, and if you remember the dress she wore when she won her 2002 Oscar, you’ll agree there’s little doubt that designers get off on dressing up one of Hollywood’s most beautiful dolls.

Halle Berry spent most of her youth in beauty pageants, and for good reason. Playboy named Halle Berry among the 100 Sexiest Women of the Century in 1998, and she’s been on People magazine’s 50 Most Beautiful People in the World list endless times. Halle Berry also made AskMen.com’s Top 99 Most Desirable Women in 2005, 2006, 2007, and placed No. 21 on the 2008 poll.

Success

Though she often receives acclaim for her acting roles, she has made some career mistakes, such as turning down roles in Speed (1994) and Waiting to Exhale (1995). Still, her Golden Globe, Oscar and SAG trophies, as well as the slew of great films she has appeared in, have cemented her reputation as a serious actress.

Her modeling career hasn’t been bad either. Before Halle Berry started acting, she won the Miss Teen All-American Pageant and was the runner-up in the Miss USA Pageant. She has been the face of Revlon for many years and was also made the face of Versace.

Halle Berry is one of the highest-paid actresses in Hollywood, earning $14 million each for Gothika and Catwoman. In April 2007, she was awarded a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, and in July 2007, she topped In Touch magazine’s list of the world’s Most Fabulous 40-Something Celebrities.

Quotes

“The worst thing a man can ever do is kiss me on the first date.”
- Halle Berry

Elite Partners

• IMDB.com: Halle Berry
• HalleWood.com
• Wikipedia.org: Halle Berry

Biography

Born on August 14, 1966, in Cleveland, Ohio, Halle Maria Berry and her older sister, Heidi, were raised by their mother, Judith, a psychiatric ward nurse. Halle Berry’s father walked out on the family when she was only 4 years old.

Although living in a single-parent household was somewhat tough, Halle’s mom managed to move the family out of the inner-city neighborhood and into the suburbs of Cleveland. On the other hand, the neighborhood was predominantly white, and Halle and her sister were treated cruelly because of their dark skin.

halle berry in the miss usa pageant
Determined not to let the color of her skin get the best of her, Halle Berry made it a point to make friends, and her dream of becoming an actress already began to surface.

By the time Halle Berry reached high school, she was a cheerleader, an honor society member, the editor of the school paper, and class president. Not surprisingly, she was crowned her high school’s prom queen. In 1983, when she was only 17 years old, Halle’s then-boyfriend entered her name in the Miss Teen Ohio beauty pageant. Once again, it was no surprise that Halle Berry got to wear the crown in that competition.

Halle Berry went on to win many other high-profile competitions, including Miss Teen All-American, Miss USA (first runner-up) and Miss World. Once she was done raking in points by winning pageant after pageant, Halle continued her education at Cleveland’s Cuyahoga Community College in 1986, studying broadcast journalism.

halle berry stars in jungle fever
Unfortunately, Halle Berry didn’t complete her degree — she left the program to pursue a more glamorous career in modeling and started to study acting in Chicago. Although Halle Berry auditioned for Aaron Spelling for a part in Charlie’s Angels and didn’t get the role, Spelling encouraged Halle to pursue her dreams of being an actress.

Halle Berry then moved to Manhattan, where she immediately landed her first TV gig in Living Dolls. Although the show was short-lived, Halle was more determined than ever to become a great actress.

Halle Berry got her first big break in 1991, when Spike Lee cast her as a crack addict in Jungle Fever, costarring Samuel L. Jackson. Halle was so determined to execute the role perfectly that she actually interviewed real addicts and stopped bathing 10 days before filming the racially charged film.

halle berry stars in boomerang
Soon after, Halle Berry reverted to television with a recurring role on the popular prime-time soap opera Knots Landing in 1991. The big screen was where Halle Berry wanted to be, though, and she soon landed another part, this time playing Damon Wayans’ exotic girlfriend in the film The Last Boy Scout (1991), which also starred Bruce Willis.

In 1992, Halle landed a starring role opposite none other than the man of comedy himself, Eddie Murphy, in Boomerang. In 1993, she married Atlanta Braves right fielder David Justice. Unfortunately, the marriage was short-lived and they divorced in 1996.

halle berry stars as dorothy dandridge
Next, Halle Berry decided to take a lighter acting job and starred in the 1994 movie The Flintstones, but her riveting big-screen role as an illiterate addict who abandons her child in a garbage can in 1995’s Losing Isaiah shot her star up high.

Unfortunately for Halle Berry, she missed a great opportunity when she passed up the lead role in the film Speed, which ultimately worked wonders for Sandra Bullock’s career.

Other movies that Halle Berry starred in include Executive Decision (1996), Race the Sun (1996), B*A*P*S (1997), Bulworth, and Introducing Dorothy Dandridge (1999), for which she won a Golden Globe and an Emmy for Best Actress in a Miniseries or TV movie.

halle berry stars as storm in x-men
In 2000, Halle Berry starred as Storm/Ororo Munroe in the live-action adaptation of the comic X-Men — along with fellow mutants Rebecca Romijn and Famke Janssen.

Halle Berry also returned to modeling as a spokeperson for Revlon. And because Halle Berry was diagnosed with diabetes, she became an avid volunteer for the Juvenile Diabetes Association.

halle berry’s hit and run
Unfortunately, Berry made headlines when she was charged with a hit and run in 2000. She pleaded no contest and the judge ordered her to perform 200 hours of community service. She also made news when she was allegedly paid a $500,000 bonus to reveal her breasts in a scene in 2001’s hacker film, Swordfish.

In 2001, Halle Berry married soul singer Eric Benet, but the couple divorced in 2003.

halle wins an oscar for monster’s ball, plays bond girl jinx
2001 wasn’t all bad for Halle Berry: She received the 2002 SAG award for Best Actress in Monster’s Ball and made history at the Oscars as the first black actress to receive a Best Actress Academy Award. Her Oscar triumph cemented her as an A-list actress. Her Oscar didn’t mean Halle Berry was giving up action blockbusters, though, as she appeared as Bond Girl Jinx in the film Die Another Day (2002), as well as in X2 (2003), the second installment of the X-Men franchise.

halle berry is catwoman
Next, Halle appeared in the psychological thriller Gothika (2003) and in Catwoman (2004), which was panned by critics. Instead of taking the poor reviews to heart, Halle Berry showed the critics she had a sense of humor when she actually went to the Razzie Awards to receive her award for Worst Actress for her role as Catwoman.

Later that year, Halle Berry made headlines again when her allegedly abusive ex-lover was revealed as Wesley Snipes, although Halle herself never confirmed this.

halle berry in x-men: the last stand
In 2005, Halle Berry appeared in the TV movie Their Eyes Were Watching God and lent her voice to the animated film Robots. Her projects for 2006 included the third X-Men installment, X-Men: The Final Stand, and the thriller Perfect Stranger.

Halle Berry was also named the new face of Versace. During a photoshoot for the designer, Halle Berry met her boyfriend, top model Gabriel Aubry.

halle berry is named no. 21 in 2008 top 99

In 2007, after starring in Things We Lost in the Fire, Halle Berry confirmed reports that she was pregnant with boyfriend Gabriel Aubry’s baby. Her even-more-voluptuous breasts quickly became the topic of conversation as her body beautifully blossomed with pregnancy. On March 16, 2008, Halle Berry gave birth to a little girl.

This yummy mummy also ranked No. 21 on AskMen.com’s list of Top 99 Most Desirable Women of 2008.

halle berry in a class act and tulia

Halle Berry’s 2008 projects included A Class Act and the crime drama Tulia. Look for her in ‘09 in Frankie and Alice, and in 2010 in Nappily Ever After.

Source: http://www.askmen.com/